5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over|Can It Be Saved?

Are you having trouble knowing when a relationship has run its course? Read on to discover the signs that your relationship is ending or is salvageable. Can it be saved?

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over|Can It Be Saved? The end of a relationship can be brutal for anyone involved. Recognizing the signs that a relationship is ending so you can prepare yourself emotionally and mentally, with compassion, before things fall apart. A Buddhist approach also looks at ways the relationship might still have a pulse and be saved.

Disclaimer. This is an article about generally healthy relationships free from abuse. Note that when people are in this relationship phase, expect them to have some self-centered behaviors; this does not mean they have suddenly become narcissists. In strife, people self-protect, so some self-centered behaviors are to be expected. Abuse is never OK. Seek immediate local support if you are in an abusive situation.

What are the five signs your relationship might be over, can you save it and is there a Zen approach that might help you?

You’re Not Talking Anymore

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over|Can It Be Saved?

The first of the five signs that your relationship is over is the most obvious.

There are several ways to tell if a relationship is ending, but this one is the most profoundly concerning.. One of the easiest ways is to notice changes in how people interact with each other. If you feel you aren’t talking anymore, then chances are you have become more guarded, protecting your hearts.

While this often signals an end to a relationship, you can also review the reality that just because it feels like the end doesn’t mean it is the end. “How to know if your relationship is over” is one of the most Googled phrases, and my hunch is that most people searching for the answer to that question are looking for hope.

A Zen Buddhist perspective is that listening might be more important than talking. Are you responding with silence, indifference, or contempt when your partner does speak? When there is silence, are you offering the gift and virtue of right speech to break the quiet?

Michele Paiva

Often, reconciliation can begin with small acts of compassionate listening, even when you feel the other person does not care anymore. Chances are, they do care.

They Are Acting Strangely Around You.

5 Signs Your Relationship Is Over|Can It Be Saved?

If you’re noticing changes in your partner’s personality, it might mean he or she is feeling stressed or depressed. This is especially true if you both have been stressed within the relationship. While it’s also possible that your partner is trying to hide something from you or going through something outside of the relationship, like a work or health struggle, it is usually just that they are feeling alone. I know it is easy to point the finger and state that you have been working on the relationship, but with stress, everyone responds differently.

In either case, it’s essential to talk to them about what’s happening. Offer acceptance; this is a Zen view of discomfort. The more a partner feels affirmed and accepted, the more they let their guard down, and the strange behaviors, such as depression or anxiety, begin to alleviate a bit.

Michele Paiva

When we feel alone, we tend to act strangely around others. We become withdrawn, irritable, and sometimes angry. These are signs that our partner needs some space. If you notice your partner acting strangely, try understanding where they are coming from. Try to accept them for who they are, and offer support.

They Are Pulling Away From You

If you notice your partner pulling away from you, it’s probably because they are unhappy with how things are between you. If you think your partner is being distant, try talking to him or her about why they behave this way. Try not to take his or her behavior personally; instead, focus on understanding where he or she is coming from. It is easy to feel less than compassionate when you feel like a wall is being thrown between you and a loved one; that’s because we are wired to assume that the problem is always outside of us.

The reality is that in relationships, there is a triangle; one point is you. The other is them. The third component is the relationship itself. So, while it might feel that it is you vs. them in that pulling away, there’s the relationship that is still valid and alive.

Compassion means nurturing the relationship even when you need to address your and their feelings, or seemingly lack thereof.

Sometimes we pull away when we feel unloved; as protection. If we behave with compassion toward the relationship, still nurturing the relationship, and as a byproduct, the person benefits, that might help the pulling to be less drastic or to stop altogether.

You Feel Like You Can’t Trust Them

If you feel like you can’t trust your partner anymore, there are several ways to tell whether your relationship is over. One of the easiest ways to figure out if your relationship is over is to ask yourself these questions:
1) Have you been arguing more than usual lately?
2) Has your partner been acting cold toward you?
3) Does your partner seem less interested in spending time together?

This does not mean the relationship is over, but it does mean that you might be headed for a downfall. As you will notice, trust is a massive area within a relationship that overlaps with other signs of relationship troubles.

We often feel we can’t trust the other person or place blame when we feel slighted. In our minds, we think blaming alleviates the pain and deflects our position in the perceived problem. 

However, change in a relationship is inevitable. Buddhism teaches us this. 

If we can honor that sometimes we treat the person as if they are suspicious because we have our fears or we are projecting our thoughts which may be uncomfortable, we can release the need to blame. 

This is not to say that this person is trustworthy. It is for you to decipher if that trust can be rebuilt by removing blame and if they are working hard also to alleviate your pain if they have betrayed you.

You Don’t Want To Be In The Same Room Together

If you answered yes to any of these questions, your relationship might be over. It’s also possible that your partner is just going through a rough patch. Or your relationship is going through a transition that might make you even closer.

In Buddhism, awareness helps us remove the pain we think we feel and focus on what is closer to the truth. Two people who do not want to be in the same room are not always in hate to disgust, but sometimes are in deep pain and crave isolation, the way an injured animal runs to the woods to self-isolate to heal.

Michele Paiva

Zen Buddhism teaches us to help the other person we love to be happy, even if it does not always benefit us. So, if you feel that you could lower your walls and focus on their happiness, what might happen is a chain reaction of compassion and love-aligned behavior. It starts slow, so don’t go into the support of joy with an expectation. The expectation of gaining something keeps us in ego, which keeps us in the blame, criticism, and victim cycle. Love can’t reside there.

Five signs Your Relationship is Over|Can It Be Saved?

Zen Buddhism teaches us that everything is impermanent.

Michele Paiva

Your relationship will end.

• Will it end with an argument tonight?
• Will it end by divorce?
• Will it end with the eventual passing of one of the partners?

Will it end because there is blame, lack of compassion, or inability to listen to be aware?

I know you are reading this because you are suffering or, in some way, can relate to the pain of the title of this post. In this, I wish you nothing but love and protection, that you are safe and free from abuse, and that you can, in safety, make the best decision for yourself to experience dignity, trust, respect, and love.

Podcast: Three Blocks to Love