We put up with a lot in relationships, especially ones where one partner is or has been emotionally checked out from childhood trauma or downright laziness.
I won’t go into the many reasons you might feel you are fried in the relationship, because it’s endless.
But I will tell you this.
If you feel like “We are DONE” or “Game Over” or any other shut-down type of phrase sneaks out of your mouth or enters your mind, and you have a feeling of indifference about the other person; or you feel repulsed by them and yourself for letting them trample on you for so long – well, it’s truly game over.
What has happened is you reached a tipping point and your abandonment fears, your striving to be loved and to love, your motivation to make it work, has left the building.
Here’s what is probably happening for you in this situation.
- You don’t even want to hear what they have to say. You don’t want to sit on the couch, gazing at him or her and want to make it work. You don’t care what they have to say. You are sick of excuses. You don’t trust them. You don’t even want to waste time trying to trust them anymore.
- You’ve checked out. Disconnected. Cut the tie. Made a new plan, Stan. You are now in the space where you barely want to talk about the superficial but that’s all you are willing to discuss if you have to deal with the person. You don’t even care how they feel about the weather. It’s that bad.
- You are sick of feeling sick over the relationship. You’ve already spent time-stressed, maybe crying, spending energy and probably a boat-load of money, trying to make “it work”, only to have every possible option rejected, ignored, or disrespected. You’ve internalized in order to not create drama. Now, you are unhappy, your needs are not met and you feel sick. You might have gained or lost weight, you might have headaches or a host of issues.. but at this point, when you say “I’m done” or “game over” or “enough is enough”.. you are taking your energy back. You are ready to put your energy toward yourself.
Once you calm down you might see things differently but here’s the reality. Every time you have that “game over” feeling, unless it is met with energy from the other partner who is trying to rectify things and help you to feel better about them and the relationship, you are just seeing them as weaker and less attractive, and evolutionary speaking – if your partner can’t even. have a conversation with you or want the best for you and as a couple – they are dead weight.
Evolutionary speaking, “game over” is your partner making excuses while a dinosaur is trying to chomp your leg. Imagine now, if you trusted your partner to not sabotage your safety and they were reckless with your heart and body, how often would you want to hang out with a caveman (or woman) who can’t put your safety as a priority? Probably never. However, you’d be looking around and seeing a lot of other cavemen who are all about safety and suddenly, they seem way more interesting to you.
So, “game over” and “I’m done” are evolutionary coping to keep you save, healthy and self-protective.
Don’t feel bad about not putting up with toxicity.
That feeling of being done is your oxytocin dropping… and pretty soon you feel. like it’s not worth it to waste time, and you are right. It’s not.
You are worth more than you are putting up with.
Especially women, we tend to think we have to help, fix, nurture the other person, and here’s the memo you might not have received.
You don’t have to expend energy on a person who isn’t willing to expend the same energy on themselves, you, or the relationship.